I am not the one who crazy people go to for help, I am the one that normal people need when the world around them is going insane

Firsts – one of many

Why is it sometimes some things stick in our memory and not others.

I saw on Facebook the other day that a neighbour of ours that I remember fondly from Spencer Road was having a birthday as one of her daughter’s had posted. It was wonderful to see a recent photo of her as it was just how I remember her, she hasn’t changed at all, and to be able to pass on birthday wishes meant so much.

So what is this particular memory that popped up? Well. It was the day my dad died. Which I find strange as it was 45 years ago. So why now? Who knows but just maybe it needs talking about.

You see Dad had been in hospital for maybe, days, weeks, even months at this stage, and being a kid it all blurred in to one so I’m really not sure how long it was. All I know is he wasn’t at home and hadn’t been for what seemed like forever. That one particular morning we were all woken up by the phone ringing and mum dashed downstairs to answer it, it must have been early as we were all still asleep which wasn’t normal for me as I was usually awake from 6ish each day, to my mother’s dread, as still even today, my eyes open and I start talking! I will never forget the colour of that phone either for the rest of my days, it was a cream and beige brown one with the number dial on the front and the handle sat in the cradle at the top. Moments later she called my older brother downstairs and it all went quiet. It was only then us 2 girls were called down and you know, when you just know it’s not good, each step on the way down was in slow motion, so unreal in so many ways, it felt as though I floated down each and every step, already numb against the shock that was to come.

My mind has then gone blank. I don’t remember being told, I don’t remember who sat where and I don’t really remember what happened next. Until I know I was going to call for my best friend at the time, for school who just happened to be in the same class as me, and her mum answering the door instead of her. Somehow I knew her mum had to go sit with my mum as we were going to school and mum would be on her own until we came home at lunchtime, but I don’t know if I was told to ask her or not, I just knew I had to do it. So I asked her to go see mum as we set off down the road to school, as you do as an 8 year old with not a care in the world, or so it seemed. Luckily we only lived a few hundred yards away from our school and used to run up and down the snickets to get there so we didn’t have to walk near the busy road. That bit makes me chuckle as it was the early 1970s and not many people owned a car so you can just imagine how not busy the roads were compared to today’s. And yes I’m showing my age here but to an 8 year old, roads were dangerous and we couldn’t run near them but we could run free down the backs of the houses.

The school morning must have been the same as any other as again it is a blank. That is until lunchtime. You see, that year in junior school we had the nicest teacher ever. Miss Forward. I’ll never forget her as she was one of those teachers who really cared. She left a long lasting impression on me as to what a teacher should be like for the rest of my school days. Everyday as I left to come home for lunch, I would have to walk past her desk, as my seat was in the middle of the centre row, and she would quietly ask me ‘how is your dad today?’ Every day I would reply ‘fine thanks’, but not this day. I remember I stopped, looked her square in the face and replied, ‘he died this morning’ and just walked off, and headed home for my lunch. When I look back now, what a shock I must have given her. I know I said the words in such a matter of fact way it took all of my strength to say those dreaded words without crying and then I just tootled off. But i don’t know why I knew I hadn’t to cry. Instinct, who knows. I often wonder if she needed something stronger than a cup of tea that lunchtime.

And I’ll be totally honest. The rest of the day is in a blurr and I don’t remember anything. I guess even as a child we have coping mechanisms that kick in without even realising

Yes, looking back this was a devastating day for me, as my life changed dramatically from then on, but as they say out of ever sadness comes a joy and I strongly believe without the kindness of Miss Forward, the fabulous neighbours that we had then and the closeness of dad’s family I wouldn’t be who I am today. And that is what I am so thankful for.

One thing I would change if I could is that I wish death had been spoken about more openly in our house. I know I certainly didn’t understand the impact that day would have on me for the many years to come. And, as an 8 year old didn’t know what death meant.

I know it’s not an easy subject to discuss but it happens to us all at some point and it goes on around us every single day. It’s inevitable, it’s part of life. Please let’s start to be open about what it means to us and what ee believe happens, open up our emotions especially, with our kids, with our loved ones. I would hate to think any other child were going to spend years lost and searching for what was missing, as I did.

The day of dad’s funeral is another day entirely that sticks in my memory but that’s another tale for another day, when I’m feeling brave enough.

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A fellow therapist, not one I know well but one I know of, contacted me to ask for a chat and some guidance a few weeks ago. And, as you know me, I will always arrange time for a cuppa.

What shocked me the most was their question and their attitude towards me when we finally met. Bristly and unfriendly is an understatement as they quickly told me they wanted me to openly reveal why I ‘had to make people wait to see me’ at times, and they were struggling to attract anyone when in their words ‘you don’t do a lot of advertising’.

Instantly I took a deep breath and sat down on my hands, as my heart sank with a ‘wtf’ why me? As my eyes rolled towards the sky for inspiration.

No I don’t do a lot of advertising as the love of my work speaks for itself and my lovely clients have become my voice, but that takes time to build. At this point I thought it better to divert the conversation away from marketing and advertising and see how they were organising their working week and diary. What a jolt I got when they said they don’t open their therapy room unless they have more than one client booked in for the day, and have no problem cancelling or rearranging at short notice for only one. You can only imagine the picture on my face at this point! How many days have I travelled to my room in Ilkley, a minimum of 20 minutes drive on a good day, to see one person and at the last minute they have have to rearrange due to unforseen incidents and accidents. Life happens and that has to be number one consideration when working with people. Be flexible.

A suggestion then followed that they began workshops and courses as people are always wanting to learn. Oh boy I wish I hadn’t asked that question! Yes, apparently they have arranged reiki attunement days but cancelled them as they only had 5 booked in on the day and wouldn’t do it unless they had a minimum of 8. They looked disgruntled and uncomfortable when my mouth opened and out came a screech of ‘What, I’ve never heard such rubbish’ and yes I apologised and blushed at the same time rather quickly. There have been times groups and workshops I’ve arranged have had only a couple of people attend but do you know what, they turn out to be the best days and the ones who are meant to be there, are there. It isn’t about numbers or money earned, it’s about sharing with who needs it, when they need it. Reiki days with me are only ever one to one as I found that works best for those who ask me to do their initiation.

So where did this blog start. EGO, where does it come from? Where does their’s stem from. I believe it is an inflated self belief and over confidence for sure. Yes to be a therapist of any kind we have to have confidence in our ability, but in many instances, and especially with energy work such as reiki, we have to remember it isn’t us. We are only the conduit for the energy to flow through.

Somehow I didn’t feel this would be a 2 cup of coffee meeting as every time I had a suggestion it was talked over or dismissed. But if I can help I will, and then had the idea of them starting a reiki share so voiced it before thinking it out fully. Their reply told me I wasn’t going to get anywhere with this as they told me ‘why would they organise something to help other therapists’. And, they think it’s ok to ask for my help!!!

One lesson I learned early on was that the client comes to you when the time is right for them, not when it’s right for me. Somehow I don’t think they are ready to understand that one yet.

Finally I was asked if I had any of my clients I would share and recommend them to. The conversation came to a full stop when I quietly reminded them people attract people and my clients may not be comfortable with them, as we are different people.

Time for me to make my exit, I obviously wasn’t the one to help them and my cup was empty.

Live for Today

I keep hearing ‘live for today’, but what the hell does it mean. How can you live your life a day at a time. That’s not possible and never will be, in my honest opinion, especially when you have a diary of appointments to keep on different days, often over weeks and months.

Or have I missed something? Wouldn’t surprise me if I have totally missed the plot and please feel free to creatively tell me where I am going wrong.

Mindfulness puzzles me. No I don’t know a lot about it and maybe this is where my answer lies. I have a past and I hope to have a long and prosperous future and as I see it they are both going to affect today. So how do I live for today, when I have already had one and want another one tomorrow. Am I  making sense, or am I rambling again?

I do try to live one day at a time and try not to worry about what goes on around me too much. I try to be organised where I only concentrate on what I have arranged for the one day and try my very best to stick to that, but, anyone who works with the general public will fully understand that you need to stay flexible as things can and do change, occasionally at the very last minute.

What also doesn’t help either is being brought up in a house of constant worry and stress. It’s hard to break the cycle of what we have been taught. But we can only try. In a perfect world it would be so simple just to ‘live and let live’ with a motto of ‘each to their own’.

How do we not let what happened yesterday influence us today?

How do we not let what was said and heard yesterday affect us today?

It’s not easy is it. Or is it? Can we learn to live for today,  whilst ignoring yesterday and not even thinking about tomoorow, that’s another day? Maybe it is.

I truly hope there is an easy answer. Many of us are trying to take ourselves off the worry/stress hamster wheel who wish to live a happier carefree way of life. I hope we all get what we are looking for.

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If you’ve enjoyed reading these words and feel others would also like to read them too, please feel free to share amongst your family and friends. Sharing is caring

 

Does It Matter

In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter?

What am I talking about now? Religion and our inner most faith is what I have been questioned about today. Should it matter to anyone else what my beliefs are, do I have to share it with anyone else? I don’t think so, but there again I’m not your average person and don’t want to be either.

christening the dew the priest

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Today I have been asked what my religion is? And it shook me a little bit because I don’t feel I have a religion and I felt a little uncomfortable answering. But why should I feel that way? I have a faith and a belief that are mine and should be nobody else’s concern.

Yes, as a child of about 3 years old there is one photograph of me with my godparents, Aunt Pat, dad’s sister and Aunt June and Uncle Brian, mum’s closest friends, not our real aunt and uncle, on my shared christening day. There we are all stood proudly outside in the front garden. When I say shared, it was because my little sister Tracy was also christened on the same day at a few months old.

For a long time I used to deny even being christened because all I remember as a really young child was religion causing arguments. Dad didn’t believe in anything, had no faith what so ever and mum was so frightened not to believe that she insisted that we had to be christened. So you can just imagine the rows we used to hear. Eventually dad buckled to the pressure and let mum have her way. The day meant so much to me I have no memories what so ever of any of it, so if I didn’t have the photograph I wouldn’t be able to recall anything. I must dig that old photo out now I am talking about it.

Dad’s none belief was so strong that every Sunday evening the minute Songs of Praise came on the television, up dad would get and off went the tv. Not forgetting in those days there were only one or two channels for us to choose from and the option we had was you either watched what was on, or, you turned it off. As a kid though it was close to bed time so didn’t really affect me. This all coincided with bath, clean pyjamas on, nit comb and fingers and toe nails trimmed. The Sunday night ritual I will never forget.

Once we moved to Canada, after dad died, Sunday school was a habit us 2 girls were somehow lead in to. Each week being collected and dropped off again afterwards, by the strangest lady from the church you would ever meet, and all so mum could have a lay in. I remember the church well, it was on the end of Silver Street, near the beer store but can’t remember the name of it for the life of me. I don’t remember that lasting long though and it didn’t really make such a great impression on me if I can’t remember the name of it.

I do remember the United reformed church in Richmond that we used to have to go to with the Scott family if ever we were lucky enough to be allowed to stay over night on the farm, but it is the memories of us all piling in the station wagon to drive down the road in that I really remember. Two adults and 6 of their children plus me all squashed in and laughing about who could sit where. Sherry and I used to love being able to sit in the rear facing seats right at the very back and upsetting Bob and Bruce because they liked it too.

Can I say religion has paid a big part in my life, no I guess it hasn’t. I can’t say my chosen God parents had any religious influence over me, they certainly never made sure I attended a church. My 2 god mothers are still alive but as life has taken its many twists and turns we don’t see each other any more.

When my daughter was born they only gave her 48 hours to live and I will never forget the nurse’s face when she told me I must have her christened and to contact whoever I wanted to do the ceremony. I flatly refused as I suppose this was the dad in me coming out as I told her boldly that at that moment in time my faith was in the doctors and nurses as well as Becky herself. If it was meant to be that she lived then it would happen. Having anyone come in to say a few words over the incubator and ventilator wouldn’t make the slightest difference to me. And I’m happy to report that 33 years later she is still here, alive and kicking, and still not christened.

Has been of a religious faith made any difference to her life, no I don’t think so, and she’s a big girl now and can choose to follow whatever faith or religion she wishes.

Does it really matter if people have a religious faith, yes it does, if that is what they choose to have. I believe we are all individuals doing our best to live the life we have been given and if we feel we need a belief system, then have one.

But please, be mindful of your beliefs influencing how you treat others. My reply and the look on the person’s face today tells me they won’t be rushing to have a chat with me again.

What do you do?

What do you do when you are told many times that you should do something and don’t believe them, never mind have the confidence to start, or go find out where to begin.

For many years I have been told I should write a book, tell my story. Me, the one who barely scraped through CSE English at school. Write a book, who are you kidding!

Well yesterday, whilst suggesting to someone else that they should start a blog, I had my lightbulb moment. You see their words and writing need to be shared with the world as they are truly awe inspiring.

And why can’t I share mine. I have a blog already, had it for years and never really utilised it. It was then that the message hit home.

Why can’t I?

Does it matter if anyone reads it, not a jot.

Does it matter if it is shared, not at all.



Never let your pride keep you quiet

Does it matter what anyone else says or thinks, nope not at all.

Does it matter that it gets written, you bet it does.



So this is the beginning for me. The start of my thoughts, my ramblings and my observations of life and what I experience going forward and maybe somethings I have experienced in the past.

After being told recently my writing is not grammatically correct, I don’t care any more. These are my words, my thoughts and it isn’t the end of the world if a comma is in the wrong place.

So if you feel, or are told you should be doing something and it feels right to you, do it! I promise you will feel better for it. Good luck🍀

https://www.facebook.com/events/145170499323902/?ti=as

Details of the development classes starting on 1st March 2017 at the Spiritualist and Healing Church. The classes will be run by myself and the well known and highly experienced medium Val Triner.

There will be lots of tools to work with that will bring out your ability and build on your confidence and experience. The classes are geared towrds helping you to workcthe platform or carry out private sittings.

7.30pm til 9.30pm each and every Wednesday from 1st March til 17th May

£100 to include all equipment to be used during the classes.

Come join us for a day of buiding your confidence and trust in what spirit give to you. Come learn with others who also want to expand on their faith and sureness in the message.

https://www.facebook.com/events/1760392547544161/?ti=as

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