I am not the one who crazy people go to for help, I am the one that normal people need when the world around them is going insane

Posts tagged ‘children’

Firsts – one of many

Why is it sometimes some things stick in our memory and not others.

I saw on Facebook the other day that a neighbour of ours that I remember fondly from Spencer Road was having a birthday as one of her daughter’s had posted. It was wonderful to see a recent photo of her as it was just how I remember her, she hasn’t changed at all, and to be able to pass on birthday wishes meant so much.

So what is this particular memory that popped up? Well. It was the day my dad died. Which I find strange as it was 45 years ago. So why now? Who knows but just maybe it needs talking about.

You see Dad had been in hospital for maybe, days, weeks, even months at this stage, and being a kid it all blurred in to one so I’m really not sure how long it was. All I know is he wasn’t at home and hadn’t been for what seemed like forever. That one particular morning we were all woken up by the phone ringing and mum dashed downstairs to answer it, it must have been early as we were all still asleep which wasn’t normal for me as I was usually awake from 6ish each day, to my mother’s dread, as still even today, my eyes open and I start talking! I will never forget the colour of that phone either for the rest of my days, it was a cream and beige brown one with the number dial on the front and the handle sat in the cradle at the top. Moments later she called my older brother downstairs and it all went quiet. It was only then us 2 girls were called down and you know, when you just know it’s not good, each step on the way down was in slow motion, so unreal in so many ways, it felt as though I floated down each and every step, already numb against the shock that was to come.

My mind has then gone blank. I don’t remember being told, I don’t remember who sat where and I don’t really remember what happened next. Until I know I was going to call for my best friend at the time, for school who just happened to be in the same class as me, and her mum answering the door instead of her. Somehow I knew her mum had to go sit with my mum as we were going to school and mum would be on her own until we came home at lunchtime, but I don’t know if I was told to ask her or not, I just knew I had to do it. So I asked her to go see mum as we set off down the road to school, as you do as an 8 year old with not a care in the world, or so it seemed. Luckily we only lived a few hundred yards away from our school and used to run up and down the snickets to get there so we didn’t have to walk near the busy road. That bit makes me chuckle as it was the early 1970s and not many people owned a car so you can just imagine how not busy the roads were compared to today’s. And yes I’m showing my age here but to an 8 year old, roads were dangerous and we couldn’t run near them but we could run free down the backs of the houses.

The school morning must have been the same as any other as again it is a blank. That is until lunchtime. You see, that year in junior school we had the nicest teacher ever. Miss Forward. I’ll never forget her as she was one of those teachers who really cared. She left a long lasting impression on me as to what a teacher should be like for the rest of my school days. Everyday as I left to come home for lunch, I would have to walk past her desk, as my seat was in the middle of the centre row, and she would quietly ask me ‘how is your dad today?’ Every day I would reply ‘fine thanks’, but not this day. I remember I stopped, looked her square in the face and replied, ‘he died this morning’ and just walked off, and headed home for my lunch. When I look back now, what a shock I must have given her. I know I said the words in such a matter of fact way it took all of my strength to say those dreaded words without crying and then I just tootled off. But i don’t know why I knew I hadn’t to cry. Instinct, who knows. I often wonder if she needed something stronger than a cup of tea that lunchtime.

And I’ll be totally honest. The rest of the day is in a blurr and I don’t remember anything. I guess even as a child we have coping mechanisms that kick in without even realising

Yes, looking back this was a devastating day for me, as my life changed dramatically from then on, but as they say out of ever sadness comes a joy and I strongly believe without the kindness of Miss Forward, the fabulous neighbours that we had then and the closeness of dad’s family I wouldn’t be who I am today. And that is what I am so thankful for.

One thing I would change if I could is that I wish death had been spoken about more openly in our house. I know I certainly didn’t understand the impact that day would have on me for the many years to come. And, as an 8 year old didn’t know what death meant.

I know it’s not an easy subject to discuss but it happens to us all at some point and it goes on around us every single day. It’s inevitable, it’s part of life. Please let’s start to be open about what it means to us and what ee believe happens, open up our emotions especially, with our kids, with our loved ones. I would hate to think any other child were going to spend years lost and searching for what was missing, as I did.

The day of dad’s funeral is another day entirely that sticks in my memory but that’s another tale for another day, when I’m feeling brave enough.

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Does It Matter

In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter?

What am I talking about now? Religion and our inner most faith is what I have been questioned about today. Should it matter to anyone else what my beliefs are, do I have to share it with anyone else? I don’t think so, but there again I’m not your average person and don’t want to be either.

christening the dew the priest

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Today I have been asked what my religion is? And it shook me a little bit because I don’t feel I have a religion and I felt a little uncomfortable answering. But why should I feel that way? I have a faith and a belief that are mine and should be nobody else’s concern.

Yes, as a child of about 3 years old there is one photograph of me with my godparents, Aunt Pat, dad’s sister and Aunt June and Uncle Brian, mum’s closest friends, not our real aunt and uncle, on my shared christening day. There we are all stood proudly outside in the front garden. When I say shared, it was because my little sister Tracy was also christened on the same day at a few months old.

For a long time I used to deny even being christened because all I remember as a really young child was religion causing arguments. Dad didn’t believe in anything, had no faith what so ever and mum was so frightened not to believe that she insisted that we had to be christened. So you can just imagine the rows we used to hear. Eventually dad buckled to the pressure and let mum have her way. The day meant so much to me I have no memories what so ever of any of it, so if I didn’t have the photograph I wouldn’t be able to recall anything. I must dig that old photo out now I am talking about it.

Dad’s none belief was so strong that every Sunday evening the minute Songs of Praise came on the television, up dad would get and off went the tv. Not forgetting in those days there were only one or two channels for us to choose from and the option we had was you either watched what was on, or, you turned it off. As a kid though it was close to bed time so didn’t really affect me. This all coincided with bath, clean pyjamas on, nit comb and fingers and toe nails trimmed. The Sunday night ritual I will never forget.

Once we moved to Canada, after dad died, Sunday school was a habit us 2 girls were somehow lead in to. Each week being collected and dropped off again afterwards, by the strangest lady from the church you would ever meet, and all so mum could have a lay in. I remember the church well, it was on the end of Silver Street, near the beer store but can’t remember the name of it for the life of me. I don’t remember that lasting long though and it didn’t really make such a great impression on me if I can’t remember the name of it.

I do remember the United reformed church in Richmond that we used to have to go to with the Scott family if ever we were lucky enough to be allowed to stay over night on the farm, but it is the memories of us all piling in the station wagon to drive down the road in that I really remember. Two adults and 6 of their children plus me all squashed in and laughing about who could sit where. Sherry and I used to love being able to sit in the rear facing seats right at the very back and upsetting Bob and Bruce because they liked it too.

Can I say religion has paid a big part in my life, no I guess it hasn’t. I can’t say my chosen God parents had any religious influence over me, they certainly never made sure I attended a church. My 2 god mothers are still alive but as life has taken its many twists and turns we don’t see each other any more.

When my daughter was born they only gave her 48 hours to live and I will never forget the nurse’s face when she told me I must have her christened and to contact whoever I wanted to do the ceremony. I flatly refused as I suppose this was the dad in me coming out as I told her boldly that at that moment in time my faith was in the doctors and nurses as well as Becky herself. If it was meant to be that she lived then it would happen. Having anyone come in to say a few words over the incubator and ventilator wouldn’t make the slightest difference to me. And I’m happy to report that 33 years later she is still here, alive and kicking, and still not christened.

Has been of a religious faith made any difference to her life, no I don’t think so, and she’s a big girl now and can choose to follow whatever faith or religion she wishes.

Does it really matter if people have a religious faith, yes it does, if that is what they choose to have. I believe we are all individuals doing our best to live the life we have been given and if we feel we need a belief system, then have one.

But please, be mindful of your beliefs influencing how you treat others. My reply and the look on the person’s face today tells me they won’t be rushing to have a chat with me again.

Crystal of the month of July – Rhodonite

Rhodonite

The month of July is recognised as the holiday season and the start of what can be, to many parents, a stressful time during the children’s school break. Holidays are meant to be a relaxing and happy time to be spent away from the mundane realities of daily life such as work and home. This in itself can cause additional stress and anxiety as we often put greater expectations on ourselves and those around us during this time.

That is why Rhodonite has been highlighted for the month of July. It is known as a ‘first aid gem’ as it helps to balance out the emotions along with soothing an often jangled nervous system. This gemstone vibrates with so much love that sometimes just holding it allows relaxation to flow to us and brings a deep sense of total well-being.

Rhodonite helps us to realise we need to respect ourselves and to know our limitations, also to become aware that everyone in our circle of family and friends have their own limitations too.  We must always remember that no matter what is going on around us, we are always aware of how amazing we really are.

As Rhodonite is one of the many love stones it can help when dealing with stressful problems within any of our relationships.  It has the ability to show us both sides of an issue. Thereby helping to forgive those who have wronged us and most importantly how to forgive ourselves.  It not only makes us aware of the love that is around us but how deeply loved we truly are.

The colours found in Rhodonite range from a light pink to dark red and often include brown-red, green, yellow and black veins. A greater variety in colour is available as it is a common crystal mined in many countries throughout the world.

Talking of holidays and first aid, this gemstone is an excellent wound healer and gives a wonderful relief to insect bites. It reduces swelling, itching and any scarring. It is suggested that holding the stone over the sight brings relief both internally and externally.

All crystal collections should include Rhodonite as it is so helpful in reducing our stress levels.

If you would like to enjoy the benefits of a personal one to one crystal healing then please email me on healthful.healing@yahoo.co.uk or telephone 07736929614.

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