I am not the one who crazy people go to for help, I am the one that normal people need when the world around them is going insane

Posts tagged ‘decisions’

Firsts – one of many

Why is it sometimes some things stick in our memory and not others.

I saw on Facebook the other day that a neighbour of ours that I remember fondly from Spencer Road was having a birthday as one of her daughter’s had posted. It was wonderful to see a recent photo of her as it was just how I remember her, she hasn’t changed at all, and to be able to pass on birthday wishes meant so much.

So what is this particular memory that popped up? Well. It was the day my dad died. Which I find strange as it was 45 years ago. So why now? Who knows but just maybe it needs talking about.

You see Dad had been in hospital for maybe, days, weeks, even months at this stage, and being a kid it all blurred in to one so I’m really not sure how long it was. All I know is he wasn’t at home and hadn’t been for what seemed like forever. That one particular morning we were all woken up by the phone ringing and mum dashed downstairs to answer it, it must have been early as we were all still asleep which wasn’t normal for me as I was usually awake from 6ish each day, to my mother’s dread, as still even today, my eyes open and I start talking! I will never forget the colour of that phone either for the rest of my days, it was a cream and beige brown one with the number dial on the front and the handle sat in the cradle at the top. Moments later she called my older brother downstairs and it all went quiet. It was only then us 2 girls were called down and you know, when you just know it’s not good, each step on the way down was in slow motion, so unreal in so many ways, it felt as though I floated down each and every step, already numb against the shock that was to come.

My mind has then gone blank. I don’t remember being told, I don’t remember who sat where and I don’t really remember what happened next. Until I know I was going to call for my best friend at the time, for school who just happened to be in the same class as me, and her mum answering the door instead of her. Somehow I knew her mum had to go sit with my mum as we were going to school and mum would be on her own until we came home at lunchtime, but I don’t know if I was told to ask her or not, I just knew I had to do it. So I asked her to go see mum as we set off down the road to school, as you do as an 8 year old with not a care in the world, or so it seemed. Luckily we only lived a few hundred yards away from our school and used to run up and down the snickets to get there so we didn’t have to walk near the busy road. That bit makes me chuckle as it was the early 1970s and not many people owned a car so you can just imagine how not busy the roads were compared to today’s. And yes I’m showing my age here but to an 8 year old, roads were dangerous and we couldn’t run near them but we could run free down the backs of the houses.

The school morning must have been the same as any other as again it is a blank. That is until lunchtime. You see, that year in junior school we had the nicest teacher ever. Miss Forward. I’ll never forget her as she was one of those teachers who really cared. She left a long lasting impression on me as to what a teacher should be like for the rest of my school days. Everyday as I left to come home for lunch, I would have to walk past her desk, as my seat was in the middle of the centre row, and she would quietly ask me ‘how is your dad today?’ Every day I would reply ‘fine thanks’, but not this day. I remember I stopped, looked her square in the face and replied, ‘he died this morning’ and just walked off, and headed home for my lunch. When I look back now, what a shock I must have given her. I know I said the words in such a matter of fact way it took all of my strength to say those dreaded words without crying and then I just tootled off. But i don’t know why I knew I hadn’t to cry. Instinct, who knows. I often wonder if she needed something stronger than a cup of tea that lunchtime.

And I’ll be totally honest. The rest of the day is in a blurr and I don’t remember anything. I guess even as a child we have coping mechanisms that kick in without even realising

Yes, looking back this was a devastating day for me, as my life changed dramatically from then on, but as they say out of ever sadness comes a joy and I strongly believe without the kindness of Miss Forward, the fabulous neighbours that we had then and the closeness of dad’s family I wouldn’t be who I am today. And that is what I am so thankful for.

One thing I would change if I could is that I wish death had been spoken about more openly in our house. I know I certainly didn’t understand the impact that day would have on me for the many years to come. And, as an 8 year old didn’t know what death meant.

I know it’s not an easy subject to discuss but it happens to us all at some point and it goes on around us every single day. It’s inevitable, it’s part of life. Please let’s start to be open about what it means to us and what ee believe happens, open up our emotions especially, with our kids, with our loved ones. I would hate to think any other child were going to spend years lost and searching for what was missing, as I did.

The day of dad’s funeral is another day entirely that sticks in my memory but that’s another tale for another day, when I’m feeling brave enough.

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Find a solution


Many years ago I remember a boss of mine saying to me ‘don’t bring me a problem unless you have at least 2 solutions’. This has stayed with me over time and things happened along my life’s journey where I have had to use this to find my answer.  When we have a situation that needs dealing with often we have options to choose from and that is where the issue arises. Which one is the right choice for us? Which direction do we go in? Where do we go to get the clarification? Who do we trust to open up to? Who do we listen to, us or them?

For me, this is where my tarot cards come in. There are a choice of layouts and spreads we can use to show the options and would open up the outcomes and any pitfalls that may be involved along the way.

When we find we have someone or, something we trust to give us the guidance we are looking for, our confidence and self esteem build. This then leads us forwards with ease as we then have no doubts and our self belief is at its strongest.

If you find you are struggling to decide? Mind all clogged up with options and not sure what to do. Why not come and join me for a tarot reading and see the cards bring clarification forward for you. 

Readings  available are face to face, telephone, skype or email

Hard work

What is hard work and what makes it hard is my current question? The answer I received during meditating was ‘hard work is something you don’t want to do’.  So does that make sense to me. Well yes I think it does in a strange way.

Hard work to me means long hours, no pleasure, no gain or reward at completion, just something we have to do to get a head in life. When we enjoy doing something and can see the rewards we or others will receive from our hard work and long hours somehow it doesn’t seem like hard work.

Life is meant to be a pleasure not a chore so if you find any part of your life hard work what can you do to make the changes.  Some say not a lot and just stick with what they know, whilst others when they realise what is happening and face up to the changes they have to make can put the hard work in to get what they really desire to make something that is hard work fun again.

Life gives us many opportunities and I strongly believe we have free will to guide us, but why choose to go where we do not receive any joy. If your life is hard work, just stop for a moment and think what you would do to take the hard out of hard work.

Choices

Where do I start with how this week is progressing along. All I can say is I have never been aware of how many choices I have and decisions to make. Does anyone else notice this?

It is only Tuesday and the little things in my life seem to be taking up so much head space, which leaves little room for the bigger things that need thinking about. Today I seem to have been in demand by others who have wanted my advice, yes, I feel honoured that people know they can come to me, but I have had to make so many choices. Do I tell them exactly what I think? How do I word it? What tone of voice do I use? Am I blunt or am I subtle? Do I listen or do I speak? One person I do know I most upset but sometimes the word no is enough to upset some. Sadly in this instance I cannot offer anymore and it’s time for her to move on to another mentor. My advice and  best intentions wasn’t good enough for her sadly.

And, then what about the easy things. Do I wear my hair up or down? Is it a shower or a bathe? Which colour jeans? Which top ? Which crystal to wear for myself? Which crystals are recommended for others too wear. And it goes on and on. So much so that I finally said enough is enough. No more choices.

Where do you think our choices come from? Is it ourselves that bring this forward or someone or something the presents these situations and opportunities?

Some of the choices I have had to made this week have meant that the answer has been found in my gut instinct or sixth sense. Others have been my common sense or head/heart combination. At this moment in time I am not sure which sense is the stronger one.

So I will leave you to contemplate on the type of choices you have made and still have to make. Remember if it feels right to you then you are making the right choice for you. 💪Be strong 

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