I am not the one who crazy people go to for help, I am the one that normal people need when the world around them is going insane

Posts tagged ‘life’

Firsts – one of many

Why is it sometimes some things stick in our memory and not others.

I saw on Facebook the other day that a neighbour of ours that I remember fondly from Spencer Road was having a birthday as one of her daughter’s had posted. It was wonderful to see a recent photo of her as it was just how I remember her, she hasn’t changed at all, and to be able to pass on birthday wishes meant so much.

So what is this particular memory that popped up? Well. It was the day my dad died. Which I find strange as it was 45 years ago. So why now? Who knows but just maybe it needs talking about.

You see Dad had been in hospital for maybe, days, weeks, even months at this stage, and being a kid it all blurred in to one so I’m really not sure how long it was. All I know is he wasn’t at home and hadn’t been for what seemed like forever. That one particular morning we were all woken up by the phone ringing and mum dashed downstairs to answer it, it must have been early as we were all still asleep which wasn’t normal for me as I was usually awake from 6ish each day, to my mother’s dread, as still even today, my eyes open and I start talking! I will never forget the colour of that phone either for the rest of my days, it was a cream and beige brown one with the number dial on the front and the handle sat in the cradle at the top. Moments later she called my older brother downstairs and it all went quiet. It was only then us 2 girls were called down and you know, when you just know it’s not good, each step on the way down was in slow motion, so unreal in so many ways, it felt as though I floated down each and every step, already numb against the shock that was to come.

My mind has then gone blank. I don’t remember being told, I don’t remember who sat where and I don’t really remember what happened next. Until I know I was going to call for my best friend at the time, for school who just happened to be in the same class as me, and her mum answering the door instead of her. Somehow I knew her mum had to go sit with my mum as we were going to school and mum would be on her own until we came home at lunchtime, but I don’t know if I was told to ask her or not, I just knew I had to do it. So I asked her to go see mum as we set off down the road to school, as you do as an 8 year old with not a care in the world, or so it seemed. Luckily we only lived a few hundred yards away from our school and used to run up and down the snickets to get there so we didn’t have to walk near the busy road. That bit makes me chuckle as it was the early 1970s and not many people owned a car so you can just imagine how not busy the roads were compared to today’s. And yes I’m showing my age here but to an 8 year old, roads were dangerous and we couldn’t run near them but we could run free down the backs of the houses.

The school morning must have been the same as any other as again it is a blank. That is until lunchtime. You see, that year in junior school we had the nicest teacher ever. Miss Forward. I’ll never forget her as she was one of those teachers who really cared. She left a long lasting impression on me as to what a teacher should be like for the rest of my school days. Everyday as I left to come home for lunch, I would have to walk past her desk, as my seat was in the middle of the centre row, and she would quietly ask me ‘how is your dad today?’ Every day I would reply ‘fine thanks’, but not this day. I remember I stopped, looked her square in the face and replied, ‘he died this morning’ and just walked off, and headed home for my lunch. When I look back now, what a shock I must have given her. I know I said the words in such a matter of fact way it took all of my strength to say those dreaded words without crying and then I just tootled off. But i don’t know why I knew I hadn’t to cry. Instinct, who knows. I often wonder if she needed something stronger than a cup of tea that lunchtime.

And I’ll be totally honest. The rest of the day is in a blurr and I don’t remember anything. I guess even as a child we have coping mechanisms that kick in without even realising

Yes, looking back this was a devastating day for me, as my life changed dramatically from then on, but as they say out of ever sadness comes a joy and I strongly believe without the kindness of Miss Forward, the fabulous neighbours that we had then and the closeness of dad’s family I wouldn’t be who I am today. And that is what I am so thankful for.

One thing I would change if I could is that I wish death had been spoken about more openly in our house. I know I certainly didn’t understand the impact that day would have on me for the many years to come. And, as an 8 year old didn’t know what death meant.

I know it’s not an easy subject to discuss but it happens to us all at some point and it goes on around us every single day. It’s inevitable, it’s part of life. Please let’s start to be open about what it means to us and what ee believe happens, open up our emotions especially, with our kids, with our loved ones. I would hate to think any other child were going to spend years lost and searching for what was missing, as I did.

The day of dad’s funeral is another day entirely that sticks in my memory but that’s another tale for another day, when I’m feeling brave enough.

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Live for Today

I keep hearing ‘live for today’, but what the hell does it mean. How can you live your life a day at a time. That’s not possible and never will be, in my honest opinion, especially when you have a diary of appointments to keep on different days, often over weeks and months.

Or have I missed something? Wouldn’t surprise me if I have totally missed the plot and please feel free to creatively tell me where I am going wrong.

Mindfulness puzzles me. No I don’t know a lot about it and maybe this is where my answer lies. I have a past and I hope to have a long and prosperous future and as I see it they are both going to affect today. So how do I live for today, when I have already had one and want another one tomorrow. Am I  making sense, or am I rambling again?

I do try to live one day at a time and try not to worry about what goes on around me too much. I try to be organised where I only concentrate on what I have arranged for the one day and try my very best to stick to that, but, anyone who works with the general public will fully understand that you need to stay flexible as things can and do change, occasionally at the very last minute.

What also doesn’t help either is being brought up in a house of constant worry and stress. It’s hard to break the cycle of what we have been taught. But we can only try. In a perfect world it would be so simple just to ‘live and let live’ with a motto of ‘each to their own’.

How do we not let what happened yesterday influence us today?

How do we not let what was said and heard yesterday affect us today?

It’s not easy is it. Or is it? Can we learn to live for today,  whilst ignoring yesterday and not even thinking about tomoorow, that’s another day? Maybe it is.

I truly hope there is an easy answer. Many of us are trying to take ourselves off the worry/stress hamster wheel who wish to live a happier carefree way of life. I hope we all get what we are looking for.

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If you’ve enjoyed reading these words and feel others would also like to read them too, please feel free to share amongst your family and friends. Sharing is caring

 

Does It Matter

In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter?

What am I talking about now? Religion and our inner most faith is what I have been questioned about today. Should it matter to anyone else what my beliefs are, do I have to share it with anyone else? I don’t think so, but there again I’m not your average person and don’t want to be either.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Today I have been asked what my religion is? And it shook me a little bit because I don’t feel I have a religion and I felt a little uncomfortable answering. But why should I feel that way? I have a faith and a belief that are mine and should be nobody else’s concern.

Yes, as a child of about 3 years old there is one photograph of me with my godparents, Aunt Pat, dad’s sister and Aunt June and Uncle Brian, mum’s closest friends, not our real aunt and uncle, on my shared christening day. There we are all stood proudly outside in the front garden. When I say shared, it was because my little sister Tracy was also christened on the same day at a few months old.

For a long time I used to deny even being christened because all I remember as a really young child was religion causing arguments. Dad didn’t believe in anything, had no faith what so ever and mum was so frightened not to believe that she insisted that we had to be christened. So you can just imagine the rows we used to hear. Eventually dad buckled to the pressure and let mum have her way. The day meant so much to me I have no memories what so ever of any of it, so if I didn’t have the photograph I wouldn’t be able to recall anything. I must dig that old photo out now I am talking about it.

Dad’s none belief was so strong that every Sunday evening the minute Songs of Praise came on the television, up dad would get and off went the tv. Not forgetting in those days there were only one or two channels for us to choose from and the option we had was you either watched what was on, or, you turned it off. As a kid though it was close to bed time so didn’t really affect me. This all coincided with bath, clean pyjamas on, nit comb and fingers and toe nails trimmed. The Sunday night ritual I will never forget.

Once we moved to Canada, after dad died, Sunday school was a habit us 2 girls were somehow lead in to. Each week being collected and dropped off again afterwards, by the strangest lady from the church you would ever meet, and all so mum could have a lay in. I remember the church well, it was on the end of Silver Street, near the beer store but can’t remember the name of it for the life of me. I don’t remember that lasting long though and it didn’t really make such a great impression on me if I can’t remember the name of it.

I do remember the United reformed church in Richmond that we used to have to go to with the Scott family if ever we were lucky enough to be allowed to stay over night on the farm, but it is the memories of us all piling in the station wagon to drive down the road in that I really remember. Two adults and 6 of their children plus me all squashed in and laughing about who could sit where. Sherry and I used to love being able to sit in the rear facing seats right at the very back and upsetting Bob and Bruce because they liked it too.

Can I say religion has paid a big part in my life, no I guess it hasn’t. I can’t say my chosen God parents had any religious influence over me, they certainly never made sure I attended a church. My 2 god mothers are still alive but as life has taken its many twists and turns we don’t see each other any more.

When my daughter was born they only gave her 48 hours to live and I will never forget the nurse’s face when she told me I must have her christened and to contact whoever I wanted to do the ceremony. I flatly refused as I suppose this was the dad in me coming out as I told her boldly that at that moment in time my faith was in the doctors and nurses as well as Becky herself. If it was meant to be that she lived then it would happen. Having anyone come in to say a few words over the incubator and ventilator wouldn’t make the slightest difference to me. And I’m happy to report that 33 years later she is still here, alive and kicking, and still not christened.

Has been of a religious faith made any difference to her life, no I don’t think so, and she’s a big girl now and can choose to follow whatever faith or religion she wishes.

Does it really matter if people have a religious faith, yes it does, if that is what they choose to have. I believe we are all individuals doing our best to live the life we have been given and if we feel we need a belief system, then have one.

But please, be mindful of your beliefs influencing how you treat others. My reply and the look on the person’s face today tells me they won’t be rushing to have a chat with me again.

Opinions

Why is it some of those around us have to give their negative opinion on everything we do in our lives? Whether it relates to work, home, family or friends they have to have their say.

Why do they struggle to just let us do and think as we do without forcing their ideals on us.

What makes them think they have such control over us? Do they think they are genuinely helping us or are they just interfering in our lives because they can.

And, the worst part is if we don’t agree, or follow what they think is best for us, they are often offended.

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Who gives them the right to do this to us? Sadly we do.

Why can we not stand up and just say ‘thanks but no thanks’?

Do you think we are too soft and don’t want to offend anyone?

Now don’t get me wrong often we ask for someones opinion or advice and that is fine, we asked for it and we should be grateful and open minded enough to listen and consider what is given. I am talking today about the ones who try to dominate our lives from their perspective.

So what do we do if we find ourselves in this position. It’s not easy just to walk away from these people as they are often an integral part of our lives.

If you have any suggestions that we can share between us all then please comment so everyone can read. You never know we may just be able to help someone who is struggling with this issue.

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Once we find the solution that is best for us to remove this negativity from our lives, we can experience the most profound healing experience.

Hard work

What is hard work and what makes it hard is my current question? The answer I received during meditating was ‘hard work is something you don’t want to do’.  So does that make sense to me. Well yes I think it does in a strange way.

Hard work to me means long hours, no pleasure, no gain or reward at completion, just something we have to do to get a head in life. When we enjoy doing something and can see the rewards we or others will receive from our hard work and long hours somehow it doesn’t seem like hard work.

Life is meant to be a pleasure not a chore so if you find any part of your life hard work what can you do to make the changes.  Some say not a lot and just stick with what they know, whilst others when they realise what is happening and face up to the changes they have to make can put the hard work in to get what they really desire to make something that is hard work fun again.

Life gives us many opportunities and I strongly believe we have free will to guide us, but why choose to go where we do not receive any joy. If your life is hard work, just stop for a moment and think what you would do to take the hard out of hard work.

Choices

Where do I start with how this week is progressing along. All I can say is I have never been aware of how many choices I have and decisions to make. Does anyone else notice this?

It is only Tuesday and the little things in my life seem to be taking up so much head space, which leaves little room for the bigger things that need thinking about. Today I seem to have been in demand by others who have wanted my advice, yes, I feel honoured that people know they can come to me, but I have had to make so many choices. Do I tell them exactly what I think? How do I word it? What tone of voice do I use? Am I blunt or am I subtle? Do I listen or do I speak? One person I do know I most upset but sometimes the word no is enough to upset some. Sadly in this instance I cannot offer anymore and it’s time for her to move on to another mentor. My advice and  best intentions wasn’t good enough for her sadly.

And, then what about the easy things. Do I wear my hair up or down? Is it a shower or a bathe? Which colour jeans? Which top ? Which crystal to wear for myself? Which crystals are recommended for others too wear. And it goes on and on. So much so that I finally said enough is enough. No more choices.

Where do you think our choices come from? Is it ourselves that bring this forward or someone or something the presents these situations and opportunities?

Some of the choices I have had to made this week have meant that the answer has been found in my gut instinct or sixth sense. Others have been my common sense or head/heart combination. At this moment in time I am not sure which sense is the stronger one.

So I will leave you to contemplate on the type of choices you have made and still have to make. Remember if it feels right to you then you are making the right choice for you. 💪Be strong 

Crystal of the Month for March – Turquoise

This month, Turquoise has been chosen as the crystal of the month. Turquoise is known as the anti-negativity crystal with the Native American Indians believing it bestows a deep feeling of thankfulness on those that carry it.turquoise

Why do we become thankless? What causes our thought patterns to work that way? Why do we not show gratitude for all that we have in life?

These questions have been highlighted as the theme chosen for the month is Gratitude. Turquoise is known to improve all communication activities especially verbal and the written word. When we make changes to our internal and external voice from the negative to the positive, over time we can only then begin to notice the simple things in life that have been overlooked for so long. Counting your blessings, and acknowledging everything that you have worked hard to achieve and have been fortunate to receive over the years shows that miracles really do happen on a daily basis.

Turquoise helps to introduce wisdom and understanding back into our lives. It opens our eyes to the beauty that truly is all around us. When we are absorbed in the negative we really are blind to the wonders that occur on a regular basis.  It also assists in promoting self-realisation as it slowly dissolves self-sabotaging thoughts and actions.

The daily practice of showing gratitude opens us up to a pure happiness and makes us more aware of exactly what we have achieved in our lifetime. This then works to reduce our stress levels as we no longer totally look towards what we want but rather to what we have already.

We often take our life for granted especially the most important things such as our friends and family, our home and possessions, our career. Can you imagine how you react if something suddenly happened and you lost all of the things that mean the most to you. How would you cope? How grateful would you be if it were possible to have these things returned to you. Why wait for them to be taken from you before you realise, show gratitude now.

This crystal is very popular for a number of reasons and is widely available. All crystal collections should include a piece of Turquoise as it reduces inflammation and pain as it detoxifies the whole body. It works to improve the immune system as well as balancing the chakras.

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